


Will you be Our Valentine?

by Zeckarin



Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [49]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Banter, Bickering, Brian is a perfect babysitter, Curse Breaking, Dining at the Ritz (Good Omens), Febuwhump 14 "I didn't mean it", Fluff and Humor, Gen, Valentine's Day, Witch Curses, You won't change my mind about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:48:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29445087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeckarin/pseuds/Zeckarin
Summary: The Them discover that one of them has been hit by a Evil Curse.Of course, they know who to call for help.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley & The Them (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Brian & Pepper & Wensleydale & Adam Young (Good Omens)
Series: And they were roomates... (but there were two beds) [49]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1523585
Comments: 16
Kudos: 52





	Will you be Our Valentine?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [megzseattle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/megzseattle/gifts).



> It's a silly Valentine story. I wanted to write one^^
> 
> This is for you, Meg, thank you so much for being such an awesome friend! Valentine's day is about platonic love too, right? LOVE YOU!
> 
> Check out sammininoofthelord's FANTASTIC drawing for this story!!!  
> Thank you SO MUCH, SAM! This is so awesome, I love it SO MUCH 💕💕💕

"My mother asked me if I wanted to give you a card today, Pepper,” said Adam, sitting on his throne in their lair.

Pepper let out a retching noise. 

Brian frowned. “Why would she ask _that_?”

Adam shrugged. Adults did and said the strangest things, and he had given up on finding any logic in it long ago. “No idea.”

“It’s Valentine’s day. Maybe your mother wants you to fall in love, Adam,” offered Wensley.

“With _Pepper_?” asked Adam, horrified. 

The girl shot him a dark look. Yes, the very idea of romantic love with Adam was disgusting, but no need for him to look _this_ disgusted.

“What does it have to do with cards?” wondered Brian with a frown.

“You know. If you’re in love with someone, you give them a Valentine card,” explained Wensley, trying not to blush. He had hesitated a long time the previous night, and had decided _not_ to slide his handmade card into Greasy Johnson’s backpack, throwing it in a dumpster on his way to school.

He wasn’t regretting it. Not at all.

“What, they’re _love cards_?” gasped Brian, paling. “I didn’t know it was _love cards_!”

Everyone turned to him.

“Brian?” asked Pepper slowly, “did someone give you a card?”

“I thought it was New Year cards for my parents!” wailed the boy, rummaging through his schoolbag.

“It’s _February_ , Brian,” sighed Wensley as his friend placed a bundle of crumpled cards on the ground.

The Them looked in silence at the stack of valentines. Adam reached out to take them with gravity.

“There’s five of them,” he announced after several recounts.

“What am I supposed to do with five girlfriends?” asked Brian in a quavering voice. “Girlfriends take a lot of time! I don’t want to stop hanging out with you guys!”

He gasped under a sudden realisation. “I don’t want to _share my ice creams_!”

Adam patted Brian’s shoulder. “You can’t have five girlfriends, don’t worry.”

“He can if everyone is okay with it,” assured Wensley. 

Taking in Brian’s obvious horror, he added “But you don’t _have_ to!”

Adam put the cards down and sighed. Everything was so much simpler before, when his friends didn’t fall in love and no one fell in love with them.

“Seems to me you’ve been cursed, Brian,” he said in a serious, compelling voice.

The three other Them turned to him as one. They knew that voice. It always presaged one of the best games Adam could imagine.

“Cursed?” Asked Pepper.

“Yes. That’s why he got all those cards. I think you angered a witch or something. We need to break the evil spell that has been put upon you!”

“Anathema knows a lot about spells. She’ll help us,” said Wensley.

Pepper hummed thoughtfully. “What if she is the one who cursed Brian?”

Everyone considered the possibility.

Adam nodded. “That would make sense. There’s not a lot of witches left, with all the burning and hunting. I don’t think there’s another one in Tadfield.”

“But I didn’t anger Anathema!” protested Brian.

“Not _on purpose,_ ” reckoned Adam. “But you must have done something. And if we don’t find a way to fix it, things will get _worse_.”

Brian blanched. He didn’t even want to imagine what could be worse than five potential girlfriends. “I didn't _mean_ to anger anyone! What should I do?”

“We will make a ritual to destroy the spell. Then you will need to bring Anathema an offering.” Adam pondered for a moment. “She likes books.”

Wensley nervously cleared his throat. “Are you sure about destroying the spell? I mean, it might make her even more angry.”

The Them looked at their leader. 

“I think we should ask an expert,” the Antichrist finally declared.

* * *

“A.Z.Fell and Co bookshop, how may I help you? Oh, Brian! What a pleasant surprise! How are you, my dear?”

Crowley put down the stack of books he was “rearranging” and looked at his friend.

“Is something wrong in Tadfield?” he asked with a frown.

Aziraphale listened intently, a slow smile spreading on his lips. He shook his head, and Crowley got back to his work, half-listening to the angel.

“Oh, I see. Yes, it is indeed a dreadful one. Lift it? Oh, no, I think Wensleydale is right about that. Magic is very complicated, my dear, you could make things worse.”

Crowley put the books down again. “Magic? What magic?”

Aziraphale covered the mouthpiece, eyes twinkling. “Brian has been cursed. The children seem to think it was Anathema.”

The demon’s eyebrow climbed to his hairline. “Cursed? What kind of curse?”

“A love curse,” answered the angel, biting his lips.

Crowley grinned. “Brian’s in love?”

“Oh no, dear. That is the crux of the problem. It appears some young ladies very much want him to be in love.”

“Some? _Manchester_! How many?”

“Maybe I would know it if you let me _listen to the boy_ , Crowley!”

Crowley pouted. “ _Someone’s_ got his knickers in a knot.”

Aziraphale spluttered. “I certainly do _not_!”

“What? You don’t wear any?”

“ _Anthony J. Crowley!_ You perfectly know what I meant!”

“You sure you’re not forgetting something, angel?”

“What..? Oh, dear. Are you still there, Brian? So sorry, my dear. I am afraid I do not know what kind of offering would push a witch to lift a curse.”

Crowley grinned to himself, proud of his friend. One year ago, Aziraphale would have tried to convince Brian than there was no curse at all. Today, the angel had spent time enough with the little gang to know they wanted him to play the game.

He held out his hand. “Give me that.”

Aziraphale looked up in surprise, then complied.

“Brian? It’s me. Listen, I know how you can get out of this. It’s Newt and Anathema’s engagement anniversary today… it means they will probably be grateful if you offered to watch after the baby for them… Oh, yes, I’m certain it will be enough. Yes, call back to tell us how it went.”

The demon hung up and turned with a victorious smile. “Problem solved.”

Aziraphale tutted. “But poor Brian isn’t _cursed_ , Crowley. It will not help with the young ladies at all!”

“Don’t worry about that. It’s Valentines. Makes everyone crazy. They’ll leave him be in a few days.”

“Are you quite sure? He seemed awfully worried.”

“Well he and Pepper could pretend to be an item. That would put a damper on things.”

“ _Crowley_! Deception is _never_ a good thing!” protested the angel, donning his coat.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Aziraphale. Should we stay home, then?”

“Stay… what on Earth do you mean? We have a table waiting at the Ritz!”

“A table for two. Where we will _pretend_ to be a couple. For the Valentine menu.”

The angel frowned in confusion as he stepped out of the bookshop. “So? I am afraid I do not see your point, dear boy.”

“I thought deception wasn’t a good thing?” crooned Crowley.

“Oh, you beast!” chuckled Aziraphale, swatting his arm playfully. “Deception is indeed not a good thing, but missing the Valentine chocolate soufflé would be so much worse.”

“Choosing the lesser of two evils, very angelic of you,” declared Crowley, locking the shop’s door behind them.

“Oh, I am afraid this is only half-true.”

Crowley opened the Bentley’s door, and looked at his friend over the rooftop. “How so?”

“I can think of one instance where I chose the _best_ of evils,” explained Aziraphale, getting into the car.

Crowley gaped at the empty street for a minute, trying to understand if “best” was a compliment or an insult, and startled when Bentley honked to remind him of the time.

He took place at the wheel, still unsure of how to answer. Should he get angry? Or offer a compliment of his own?

A small smile played at the corner of his lips. There was one answer that would work for both.

“You’re a _bastard_ , Aziraphale.”

“Why, thank you, dearest.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again sammininoofthelord for this wonderful illustration. That's exactly how I imagined them!! 💕
> 
> Brian is a great babysitter and Fyre LOVES him.  
> He will read Newt's comics in the cottage and keep an eye on Fyre in her playpen while Newt and Anathema have a romantic dinner in their garden.


End file.
